If you're going to call your sub All American, it better be as expansive as the prairies, tall as the Rocky Mountains, and as jam-packed as a New York subway—metaphorically speaking, of course. Dominick's, a local grocery store chain, sells a version that sure gets the heft part right. Weighing in at over two pounds, this 14-inch long and 6-inch wide behemoth strikes fear into all other nation-sandwiches it encounters. And it's all yours for the unbelievably low price of $5.99! Can you believe it?
If size is your only concern, this is literally a huge success. But if you're one of those picky sissies concerned about proportion, taste, and overall enjoyment, then stay away. Honestly, it's all the bread's fault. Even with a healthy stack of ham, turkey, and roast beef—not to mention both white and yellow American cheese—the bread is simply too tall. It's nearly impossible to open your jaw wide enough to stuff this in. Press with all your might, and you'll never be able to compress it thin enough. A last ditch reconnaissance mission that removed handfuls of the cottony innards only drew attention to the doughy and soft crust. I love gargantuan sandwiches as much as the next red-blooded American man, but I expect the deli to work as hard on the construction job as I do on the eating end.